Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
