The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
