i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want to be your penis for a week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
