I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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