I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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