I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
