The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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