I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
