question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
