what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
