I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
