When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
