he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
