Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
