A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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