i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
