Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
