You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
