when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
