Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
