Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
