Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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