The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
