well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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