are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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