areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
