omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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