if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
