the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
