i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
