I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
