You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
