I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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