She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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