My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
