No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
