She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
