You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
