Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
