Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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