Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
