i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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