i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
