Your dad touched me again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
