why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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