Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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