It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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