Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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