we have officially lost it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
