There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
