fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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