..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
