planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this just has baby written all over it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
