Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
