I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
