we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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