The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
