you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
