Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
