he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
