trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
