summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
